Prayers of Paul

Prayers of Paul (this prints out nicely on a single side of one page. I have it in two columns with my favorite phrases bolded)

Rom. 15:5 ¶ May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, 6 that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ… 13 ¶ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Phil 1:9 ¶ And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruits of righteousness which come through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Eph.1:16 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power in us who believe, according to the working of his great might

Eph.3:14 ¶ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with might through his Spirit in the inner man, 17 and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fulness of God. 20 Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.

I Thess 5:23 ¶ May the God of peace himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Col. 1:9 ¶ And so, from the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 to lead a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 ¶ giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

I Thess.1:2 ¶ We give thanks to God always for you all, constantly mentioning you in our prayers,
3 remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

I Thess. 3:9 For what thanksgiving can we render to God for you, for all the joy which we feel for your sake before our God, 10 praying earnestly night and day that we may see you face to face and supply what is lacking in your faith? 11 ¶ Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus, direct our way to you; 12 and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all men, as we do to you, 13 so that he may establish your hearts unblamable in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.

II Thess1:11 ¶ To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his call, and may fulfil every good resolve and work of faith by his power, 12 so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

II Thess. 2:16 ¶ Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, 17 comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.

II Thess 3:5 May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.

Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.

This was a handout from a mission class at Elim Bible College:

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Characteristics of a proud unbroken spirit as compared to a humble broken spirit.

1. Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with the sense of their own spiritual need .

2. Proud people are seIf-righteous- have a critical, fault-finding spirit looking at everyone else’s faults with a microscopebut their own with a telescope. They look down on others. Broken people are compassionate. They can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven. They think the best of others and esteem all others better themselves.

3. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit. Broken people have a dependent spirit and recognize their need for others .

4. Proud people have to prove that they are right. Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.

5. Proud people claim rights and have demanding spirit . Broken people yield their rights and have a meek spirit.

6. Proud people are self-protective of their time and their rights and their reputation.
Broken people are self-denying.

7. Proud people desire to be served. Broken people are motivated to serve others.

8. Proud people desire to be a success. Broken people are motivated to be faithful and make others successful.

9. Proud people desire for self-advancement. Broken people desire to promote others .

10. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated and are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked. Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness and are thrilled that God would use them at all in any ministry, they are eager to give others the credit and they rejoice when others are lifted up .

11. Proud people have a sub conscious feeling this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts and they think of what they can do for God. Broken people have a heart attitude that says I don’t deserve to have any part in this ministry and they have nothing to offer to God, but the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.

12. Proud people feel confident in how much they know. Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.

13. Proud people are self conscious. Broken people are not concerned with self at all.

14. Proud people keep others at arms length. Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and loving intimately.

15. Proud people are quick to blame others. Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they were wrong in a situation.

16. Proud people are unapproachable. Broken people are easy to be entreated.

17. Proud people are defensive when criticized. Broken people receive criticism with an open, humble Spirit.

18. Proud people are concerned with being respectable and what others think and working to protect their own image and reputation. Broken people are concerned with being real what they care about is what God knows and are willing to die to their own reputation.

19. Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others. Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.

20. Proud people want to be sure that no one knows they have sinned to cover up. Broken people are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.

21. Proud people have a hard time In saying, “I was wrong, will you forgive me.”
Broken people are quick to admit their failures and seek forgiveness when necessary.

22. Proud people in confessing their sins, tend to deal in generalities. Broken people are able to deal with the specific conviction of God’s spirit.

23. Proud people fear consequences of their sin. Broken people are grieved over the cause the root of their sin.

24. Proud people are remorseful they got found out. Broken people are repentant over their sin which is evidenced by the fact they forsake them

25. Proud people when misunderstood in relationships, wait for the other one to come and ask for forgiveness. Broken people take the initiative to see if they can get to the Cross first no matter how wrong the other may have been.

26. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor. Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for mercy.

27. Proud people are blind to their real heart condition. Broken people walk in the light

28. Proud people think they have nothing to be repentant of. Broken people realize that they have a need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.

29. Proud people are unbroken and don’t think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.

Procrastination

This is from John Powell SJ’s book Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?

It struck me because my 21 yo son is a procrastinator and I realize now, how my/our parenting has contributed to it

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It has been said that the greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making mistakes. Indecision and uncertainty are ways of avoiding mistakes and responsibility. If no decision is made nothing can go wrong. The inclination to avoid decisions is sometimes manifested by dragging out as long as possible the ones we actually must make. The only real mistake is not learning from our mistakes.The basic problem here is self esteem and the protection of self-esteem. People who are indecisive fear that they will lose respect if their decision turns out to be wrong. Only little men, someone has said, are never wrong. We learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. But the indecisive person is so focused on his own ego and personal value that he does not see the validity of all these truths. The name of the game is safety and self-protection; the motto: Nothing attempted, nothing lost.Very often, too, indecisiveness results in people who have been programed by multitudinous (and sometimes contradictory) instructions and moralizing, or who have been reproached and embarrassed for past mistakes. Finally, indecisiveness can result in a person’s attempting to support more emotionally burdening problems than he can solve. He usually becomes rattled and can decide none of them

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Sexual Sin within Christian Marriage

1Thes 4: 3-6 God wants you to be holy,
so don’t be immoral in matters of sex.
Respect and honor your wife.
Don’t be a slave of your desires

or live like people who don’t know God.
You must not cheat any of the Lord’s followers in matters of sex. (CEV)

From Why do I feel so down When my faith should lift me up? by Dr Grant Mullen

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Sex is primarily a spiritual act of oneness symbolized with a physical act. For it to be a blessing im marriage, there needs to be emotional and spiritual wholeness, free of domination, manipulation and control from either spouse. Emotional wounding or bondage in either person will damage and distort sexual intimacy. To have a healthy sexuality, you need complete trust, mutual respect and appreciation of each other which leads to oneness of body, soul and spirit. This creates a godly sexual soul tie.An ungodly sexual soul tie occurs when sexuality becomes a tool of control. Yes, there can be an ungodly sexual soul tie even in Christian marriage. There can even be sexual abuse in Christian marriage which gets covered up by insisting on the scriptural submission of women to the will of the male. It is a sin to dominate, manipulate or control a spouse in any way, including sexuality. It shows disrespect and treats the person as an object to meet the emotional needs of the other. Sexuality can be used as a tool of punishment or reward to control the other spouse. When it is used as a way of reassuring yourself of worth or acceptance, it can easily become an addiction that drives you for more. A very simple test of sexuality is to ask yourself this question, during sex are you lovingly giving yourself to your spouse or taking what you believe to be rightfully yours? If you are taking then you are on dangerous ground!In my observation, most sexual problems are emotional and spiritual, not physical. The solution is the healing of our wounds.

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Heb 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous.
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What “defiles the marriage bed”?

Apparently, normal women tend to shut down sexually when they are treated badly:

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quoted from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
I remember talking frankly to two Christian men once about the ideals of Christian marriage. I cracked them up when I freely confessed, “You bet I’ve swallow arguments because I wanted something from my wife later that night.” They both admitted, somewhat sheepishly, that they too had done the same thing. I’m not proud of the fact that I’m less willing to stand up for my beliefs when I feel “the urge”- and I particularly don’t like the fact that what feels like a physical need directly my spiritual attitudes- but I can learn to use that physical need for spiritual benefit.Let me put this succinctly: We can learn to use the sex drive to groom our character. Out of a need to be intimate with their wives, husbands may learn to show tenderness and empathy.

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From 1Thes 4:3-8, it seems there exist choices in how one possesses “his vessel” (some translations render “vessel” as “wife”; some render “vessel” as his own body. I think GOD deliberately used a word which can mean wife or body- and the teaching of the passage applies to BOTH. John Piper thinks the RSV rendering “wife” is more accurate- link ).
Does he possess his wife/his body in “sanctification and honour”?
Or does he do so “in the lust of concupiscence”/”passion of lust”?
Engaging in the “passion of lust” is to “go beyond and defraud his brother”. I think “brother” can be his WIFE (or her husband). His transgression/ his lusting transgresses boundaries and DEFRAUDS HER. Here is the passage in 3 Bible versions:

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1Thes 4:3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from unchastity;
1Thes 4:4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: (AV)

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4 that each one of you know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor,
5 not in the passion of lust like heathen who do not know God;
6 that no man transgress, and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we solemnly forewarned you.
7 For God has not called us for uncleanness, but in holiness.
8 Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. (RSV)

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1Thes 4: 3 God wants you to be holy, so don’t be immoral in matters of sex. 4Respect and honor your wife. [a] 5Don’t be a slave of your desires or live like people who don’t know God. 6You must not cheat any of the Lord’s followers in matters of sex. Remember, we warned you that he punishes everyone who does such things. 7God didn’t choose you to be filthy, but to be pure. 8So if you don’t obey these rules, you are not really disobeying us. You are disobeying God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (CEV)

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Because this post is filed under “abuse” categories, I will include some links which were helpful to me:

• Retrouvaille Marriage Help
• The Silent Killer of Christian Marriages
• The Wounds of Spouse Abuse
• Cloud and Townsend Articles

 

 

"When you find yourself in a difficult marriage…"

from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas

How is God using your marriage to teach you how to love?

When you find yourself in a difficult marriage, or in a basically good marriage with one particular issue that grates on you, you can be sure that God wants to mature you as you face this problem with strength, courage, dignity, and biblical wisdom. God could of course speak the word and your problem would be solved- voila! But that’s not how God usually works. He allows us to face issues that may terrify us and make us feel completely inadequate- he may even walk us through our deepest fears- so that we can grow in him.

The Bible is adamant about this. Spiritual growth takes place by persevering through difficult times

quotes from Rom 5:3-5; James 1:2-4; 1 Pet 1:7

The good news is that you and God are in this together. He knew, even before he created you, who you’d marry. And he will continue to give you the tools you need to become the person he’s called you to be and to do the work he’s created you to do within your current relationship. God would never leave you alone in any situation: “He will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deut 31:6). Even if you married a non-Christian, God’s grace is sufficient for you. You cannot dig a hole so deep that it cuts you off from God’s provision, care, and life-giving strength….

That’s the message I want to communicate: you and God are in this together, and he’s beginning your marriage makeover with you. Let him transform you as you seek to move your husband. While you may never achieve the results you have in mind, you can- without question- change the equation of your marriage by remodeling yourself. It begins with understanding, perhaps for the first time, the glory of being a godly woman and acting with the strength of a godly woman who understands she was created in the image of God, forgiven of her sins through the work of Jesus Christ, and gifted and empowered by God’s Holy Spirit to live the life God has called her to live…

By courageously facing up to the challenges that every marriage faces, and by letting God change you in the process, something wonderful takes place- the formation of a new woman, fully alive to God, who can take the lessons she learns at home and apply them everywhere else.

“We can’t guarantee success in this war, but we can do something better. We can deserve it.”

Sacred Influence – "God, not your marital status, defines your life."- #1

from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas

God, not your marital status, defines your life.

Is that true of you? The more it is, the more success your will have in moving your man, because weak women usually forfeit their influence.

Look at this from a very practical perspective: do you care much about what a person for whom you have little respect thinks of you? Probably not. So then, how is such a person going to influence you? When their opinion doesn’t matter; they may communicate clearly, honestly, and practically- but you’re still not going to listen to them. In the same way, if your husband doesn’t respect you, if you have sinfully put his acceptance of you over your identity as a daughter of God, then how will you ever influence him for the better? (Pg 21)

…if you will do almost anything to gain his acceptance- then you’ve just given to a man what rightfully belongs to God alone.
And that means you’ve turned marriage into idol worship.
When you do that, both you and your husband lose….
In addition, how will you ever find the courage to confront someone whose acceptance so determines your sense of well being that you believe you can’t exist without him? How will you ever take the risk to say what needs to be said if you think your future depends on your husband’s favor toward you? (Pg. 27)

If you truly want to love, motivate, and influence your husband, your first step must be to connect- and to stay connected- with God. Find your refuge, security, comfort, strength, and hope in him. (Pg. 28)

It’s not your pain that motivates him but his pain. You have to be willing to create an environment… in which your spouse will be motivated by his pain. This is a courageous and healthy movement toward your spouse and toward preserving and strengthening your marriage, and is an act of commitment, not rebellion (pg. 31)

Once you fully understand your status before God, you need never again live at the mercy of a man’s approval. (Pg. 33)

More from from Sacred Influence

More from from Sacred Influence

Thomas is complementarian and traditional. He is sensitive to those of us with difficulties, however:

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When a man is condescending and dictatorial toward his wife, when he treats her like hired help, when he requires her to dole out sexual favors on demand- the last place he should look to justify his lifestyle is in the Bible. His actions and attitudes offend God’s revealed will and written Word. This is not marriage as God designed it, and it is not what Genesis, Proverbs, and Paul teach regarding the roles of husband and wife. (pg. 86)

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In addition to addressing how to deal with an angry husband, he has chapters for women married to unbelievers, workaholics, a man having an affair, etc. I didn’t read those. I read Chapter 14 “Pure Passion” which addresses- in part- the problem of porn:

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Let me put it this way: 51 percent of pastors cite cyberporn as a possible temptation, and 37 percent confess it as a current struggle. In facty, four out of every ten pastors have visited a porn site. Sixty-six percent of the the men attending a church seminar admitted to struggling with porn in the past year; two thirds of these men serve in church leadership…

‘The philosophical message of porn is that women are sex objects intended for the male’s pleasure…

Only the rare husband, maybe one out of a thousand will listen to you rather than resent you when you stand up to his sexual demands. He will need to hear it from someone else… (pg 197)

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Sacred Influence – "Taming Husband’s Anger"

from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas-
Chapter 10 Taming the Temper Part 1: Self Respect as a First Defense against Your Husband’s Anger

As long as a woman blames herself for causing her husband’s temper, she ignores the real problem: she’s the target, not the cause. As long as a woman thinks she causes the anger, she accepts blame for her husband’s problem…. you need to know that it’s impossible to live with an angry man without making him angry. But you can remove yourself as the target.

Ray grew up with a very critical alcoholic father who taught him that relationships are built on extremely high expectations. Ray admits, “Sometimes I have little patience, and yes, I can be intolerant of other people’s patterns…”

At first, Jo responded to Ray’s angry tone with defensiveness and guilt, thinking she was most likely in the wrong. But after Jo analyzed several confrontations, she eventually decided Ray wasn’t always right, which led her to react with anger of her own- and that only made things worse…

As I said before, you are most vulnerable to sin when you are sinned against. Your husband’s inappropriate expression of anger does not excuse your inappropriate expression of anger: “He who loves a quarrel loves sin” (Proverbs 17:9). …

Jo… explains, “What I sensed God saying to me was to use communication that was direct and nonattacking and that showed self-respect: ‘This is what I need from you,’ or ‘Would you please communicate in a way that isn’t so frightening?’”… Note the spiritual foundation behind this transformation: Jo allowed God to change her which resulted in her husband’s spiritual growth.

Ray explains, “Before, if I was condescending to her or demeaning or critical, then she would respond very quickly and very angrily back: ‘Don’t talk to me that way! Don’t use that tone of voice when you’re talking to me!” Her face would get tight and tense, and I thought, ‘ Boy she’s really hurting. I’ve touched a deep nerve in there somewhere’ but I didn’t understand why she was making such a big deal out of it.’

In the midst of subsequent blowups, Jo concentrated on being firm but gentle. “I need for you to reword that so I don’t feel so defensive.” … “I care about you very much, and I need you to know that what you said was hurtful”. She dropped the sharp “Don’t talk to me that way!”

According to Ray, Jo’s previous method of communicating “just made me feel guilty. I already knew I had *****ed up, and here she was piling it on… And when you already feel low about yourself… you’re more likely yo strike back and escalate the intensity.”

Ray says that what made him the angriest was being misunderstood. He believes that Jo sometimes just looked at his behavior without giving him the benefit of the doubt. That perplexed and frustrated him which would escalate into anger. In fact, Ray believes, on many occasions he had good intentions, but when Jo assumed the worst, he became frustrated , which in turn made him angry- and then he chose to lash out.

Sacred Influence- "Taming Husband’s Anger"

from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming… Husband’s Anger

Spiritual Preparation
There’s another principle we can learn from Jo’s experience: in order to confront anger in your man, you’re going to need to put your own spiritual house in order; otherwise you’ll likely lack the strength, courage, and perspective to help your husband…

When you live with an angry man, you not only crave but literally need God’s affirmation. Men can be very cruel with their cutting comments if you aren’t receiving affirmation and affection from your heavenly Father, you’re going to feel emotionally empty and perhaps even worthless- and that will feed into your husband’s response and tempt you to become even more of a doormat…

So if you’re living with an angry man, please accept my encouragement to spend all that much more time in worship, prayer, and Christian community so that you can soak up the love, affirmation, and affection you need for a healthy spiritual life. From such a strong spiritual core, you can face the hurt and frustration in your marriage as Jo did.

Armed with her standing before God, Jo made it clear to Ray that while she wanted to understand his frustration, she would not put up with verbal harassment….

Ray says, “I wanted to recognize her needs. When Jo stood up to me, it told me she valued herself. SO I valued her. It made me understand that Jo is a person with a lot of Character; she cares about herself, and I think every man wants that . I don’t think men want a woman they can just run over…”

This goes back to the point made in the very first chapter; respect is vital in a marriage, and not just for a woman toward her man, but also for a man toward his wife. If your husband doesn’t respect you, you’re going to have a very difficult time influencing him in any significant way. And if you don’t respect yourself, you’ll make it that much more difficult for you husband to respect you…

Angry men sometimes tell me something they rarely tell their wives: they feel ashamed of how they’ve acted; they hate what they’ve become. In most cases when you help a husband tame his temper, you’re helping him to become th kind of man he wants to be.

Sacred Influence- "Helping Him Love You"

from Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas Taming… Husband’s Anger

Helping Him Love You

In her role as an inspirational speaker, Jo has met many women whose husbands have cowed them into an “unhealthy doormat mode”. Sadly, sometimes this posture gets couched in religious language and represents a complete misreading of biblical submission. Jo observes, “Women don’t tell men what they need because we’ve been taught its selfish to even think of ourselves. In fact, some of us aren’t in touch with our own feelings enough to even know what we need…”

This “martyr” method of marriage, though common among well meaning Christian women, shortchanges both husband and wife. Your husband will prosper spiritually and personally by excelling in loving you. God designed marriage, in part, to help both husband and wife grow in character. If you do all the sacrificing, if your husband runs over you, he’s not growing; he’s shrinking, spiritually speaking. He’s becoming lower in character. You may well become a saint after living with such a man for twenty years, but he is going to become increasingly miserable, because ultimately, any man who treats others poorly begins to despise himself. This might sound backward, but you need to love your husband by teaching him how to love you, because its spiritually healthy for him to grow in loving you.

At one time, the thought of telling her husband what she needed would have sounded selfish to Jo, and she would have dismissed the thought. She has since learned that respect matters and that a husband won’t truly love a woman for whom he has no respect. Jo realized that if she didn’t respect herself, her husband would adopt that same attitude of disrespect….

An angry husband often acts as if only his wife needs to change. This is a false view based on a lack of respect.